Best Insults and Comebacks?

The only reason you're fighting with me is because you want to try and not fail at least one thing in your life.

 

You're a very small part of a cactus.
What I'm really trying to say is that you're a prick.

 

Sorry, I couldn't hear you over me not caring.

 

i sometimes like to say "what was that? i was too busy not caring to listen."

 

"Head, shoulders knees and toes, what are those"

 

Person: "WHAT is that UGLY PIMPLE on your face?"
Me: "What is that UGLY thing on your neck? Oops, that's your face..."

 

sometimes i just call people donald trump and that usually offends them

 

Lol

 

*thinks of great insult/comeback*
*sees that someone already posted it*
*thinks of great insult/comeback*
*sees that someone already posted it*
x99999

 

To suicide I'd just climb your ego and jump to your iq

 

Bully: You're ugly!
Me: You're MOM!
HAAHHAHAHH!HH!!H! GOTEEEM!

 

I'm more physical when it comes to this.
If it's a guy:
- Look down you-know-where, do a strange look and laugh.
Girl:
- Look at their flat chest and just be like *cough* :) "You're so bare, my necklace wouldn't even be able hang on that rack."
- Are you some kind of weird species? Because you don't even have an ass.
- You're so small, you're probably never going to be able to get it in, honey.
Random:
- You're favourite colour is black? I guess that is all that's in your skull of yours - absolutely nothing but darkness
- (Continuation from the above joke) You're such a disgrace, not even God will let there be light in there.

 

Person: .."Can't you see? You're a disgrace to this world, the way you dress/look, the way you act."
Me: "I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass."

 

Stranger: Come on SG1 I'll beat you at this hardcore game, kid!

Me: Do you like dragons?

Stranger: Yes

Me: Because you are going to be dragon these nuts on you're face!

 

And that has an effect on.....?

 

tbh that's where I got it from. There was some sixth grade kids walking along the hallways doing there thing.....

and bam, out of the blue it struck :P

 

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks your a asshole.

Hey, your city called, they said they wanted their idiot back :/

 

I would like to challenge you for an intelectual duel.
But i see you came unarmed.

... Do not let your mind wander. It is way too small to be outside by itself

and ofcourse a proper finisher

... You are living proof that someone can live without a brain

 

You're an unnecessary movie sequel.

 

If someone flips you off, ask them if they are showing their age or their IQ. #rekt