Times of struggle

An ongoing thing that I've been going through is constant loneliness. My social life is lacking, the friends I have...well, I only see them at school and baseball during the spring into early summer. Outside of that, I have nothing. I've gained an acceptance on a sort of level regarding this whole issue but there are still times where this constant thought of loneliness and only form of communication through the internet really brings me down. I've had issues with depression in the past and while they have gotten better, I still go through rough outings like now.

Day in and day out, I go to school, I stay quiet occasionally but talk to my friends when I can, and then drive home to the same routine. Sitting around, not doing anything, watching videos, playing video-games, binging shows, doing my homework, and then sleeping.

I honestly don't know what I can do. I talk to a therapist about this, see them once or twice a month and we always talk about ways to solve it but I physically feel unable to go through with them. My anxiety about trying new things is off the charts and I can't do a simple thing such as asking if someone wants to hang out. I'm afraid of being rejected, I guess.

A prime example of all this was when my sports season ended mid July. I had nothing else going on except work on the weekends, so I was in this constant state of loneliness. I let myself go, even before this but it really showed during this time frame. I was once the same height I am now, a year and a half ago, weighing in at 183 pounds after cutting 10 pounds in rigorous running exercise. I'm now 5'8 and weight 205-210 pounds, somewhere in that range. I'm obese and fully aware but lack that inspiration to try to change. I've had instances where I wanted to change and had some inspiration but they never lasted. I remember during that time I got down to 183 I wrote a thread or two on it and private messaged some users on here for advice. This whole topic of the paragraph is slightly differing off from the original point at hand but I feel it relates to my feeling of loneliness and constant struggle.

At certain times too, I know I should be doing something but my mind can be fixated at times on not wanting to do things that could make me feel better. I've built up this habit of lazyness over the years and it can be so hard to surmount for extensive periods of time. I'm currently thinking through the process of eating healthier, getting a gym membership, and trying to connect more with friends but I have not been able to do this sort of thing for a long while.

This may seem random and all that but I just needed to get it off my chest

 

Hopefully it gets better Smg. If you ever need anyone to speak or vent to, I'm here. <3

 

so proud of u for even opening up about it. i know how hard that is. stay strong, and that sounds cheesy but things will get better at some point, and i hope it does for you.

 

Thank you both for the kind words

 

It's an amazing thing that you could even talk about this and not be scared. You obviously aren't scared about some things, it's just a matter of harnessing that bravery and putting it to work. I hope things go better for you.

 

i

 

For your social situation issue, yours was fairly similar to mine. Outside of school, I would ever rarely see them, but that's usually because school took up most of the week anyways. If you're on holidays or there's some tiny break, you should try and make the effort to contact them and ask your friends to hang out instead of waiting on them to ask you. I know you did say your anxiety is off the charts and such simple tasks might be difficult, but the rejection part is completely fair. A lot of people struggle with rejection but you should really try step out of your comfort zone. Even if they can't hang out, just know it's okay. As long as they're not always brushing you off or you're the one always asking to hang out, then they're more than likely to be there for you.
While you're still at school, most of your day is taken up by school and sleep and getting ready for school. Hanging out afterwards might be seen as draining for some and personally, it really was. Your routine will be very dull and not many new things will happen while holidays aren't on. If you do somehow manage to gain the confidence to try something new, start with something small. In my experience, I realised I'm the only one holding myself back. I tend to overthink in such simple situations and then if something goes wrong, I tell myself why it happened and all sort of negative thoughts and emotions start to cloud the simple reality. If you're really nervous about social situations, the Internet is here to provide tips.

With your weight scenario, I'm actually overweight myself and probably going to hit that obese side soon. Exercise is just one major component of losing weight. The other is food intake. All you need to do is put less calories in at the end of the day and you'll end up losing weight with your frame. Eat less for about a fortnight and with minimal exercise (maybe 10 minute walk or something), you'll see a drop in weight. Definitely don't neglect nutrients though but have the right balance while cutting calories. If you really want to lose weight and get a little bit toned, a mix of exercise and a diet will get you there. I doubt it will happen as you said you lack motivation and I actually want to get toned and lose weight but motivation is stopping me too, so this is why I suggest just eating less in general.

I relate to the thoughts of wanting to get a gym membership and building up a habit of laziness over time. My attendance for school was pretty bad because I rather sleep in than go to school and I stayed home playing video games. I often had overnight sessions of playing video games and more than a dozen 12+ hour sessions in a day. I'm not going to tell you just to break that cycle because it's not that easy and I emphasise with those who struggle with the shit I did. Build small hobbies and keep distracting yourself. Once you're out of school, I can guarantee life will get better, but only if you make the effort. You can be overweight and still be healthy mentally. Finding your hobbies outside of video games will have to be your best bet so try your best to do that.

Sorry if my advice isn't too good but words are jumbling up in my head so it's not as polished as it should be but the general idea should be there. I wish you the well for the future and remember, school isn't as important as people think when it comes down to social scenes.

 

Hello.
If there's anything I learned from trying to be more social it's;
You are not as important as you think you are.
Nobody will be mad at you if you go up to them unless they're literally 10, and if they do get mad then you should not have them as a friend. It's some weird construct our minds make up for ourselves.
As for the weight issues, I can tell you from experience that you need a *lot* of willforce. It's hard at the beginning but it just gets easier later. I really hope things get better for you, Smg. This isn't exactly advice but idk, I felt like I needed to show you some support :)
Best of luck!