Swim

So I am a Senior in High School, and I thought it would just be the perfect time to start playing sports. I did water polo for the fall sport and that was... something positive. Then I was basically compelled to join swim due to the fact that the majority of my friends were doing it, too, and I had done polo, AND this would be the last chance I'd ever have to do it. Let me tell you, this first 2ish weeks have been a bit of a struggle for me.

Swim is a sport that lasts 2 hours after school everyday from 2:15 to 4:15. This alone, however, is not the extent to the time it consumes. After swim, you're worn out for hours, or at least driven to take a delicious nap. But less obviously, is the time that I have spent dreading attending swim and anxiously awaiting it. Every day. I find myself constantly looking for ways out of it. When school ends, I'll wait as long as I can and arrive a few minutes late, try to talk to someone before it's time to enter that hell of liquid. On those days where I have something that takes the first after school hour, I'll use that as an excuse not to come at all. After being reprimanded for doing this, I'll still push the other extra-curricular meetings to last as long as possible and then use the restroom for an unreasonable period before changing and jumping into the water.

Now let's talk physicality. My endurance is shit. Some people are capable of swimming the entire way through without stopping, always keeping time with the clock: "10 50m stroke (basically anything but freestyle/crawlstroke) with a minute runoff." This may sound easy to many of you, but for me it isn't. My muscles disobey me and I'm gasping for air all too quickly. I hardly ever finish entire sets. Today was the first time for me that I have completed one. Of course, endurance improves with time. Of course, it is to be expected that I'm slower than my peers as this is my first year. But that doesn't amount to much solace when you're there in the water. You only feel inadequate.
My form is trash. Am I not doing the same breaststroke as everyone else? How is he moving so much faster than I am? I'm hardly moving and Jeff is on the other end of the pool. You expect me to kick whilst swimming? My feet tangle. And when I focus on kicking and fix those shitty flippers of mine I forget to breathe. And if I don't breathe on rhythm you can say goodbye to sufficient oxygen. Of course, form improves with time. Of course, it is to be expected that my form is worse than those amongst me that have been doing this for years. But that doesn't amount to much solace when you're there in the water. You only feel inadequate.

I am depressed the entirety of the time I'm swimming. To me, it is a completely dehumanizing experience. I simply fight the water, hit it over and over, will my exhausted muscles to do what they do not wish for. Eyes down, eyes right, eyes down, eyes left, eyes down, eyes right, eyes down, eyes left, eyes down, eyes right. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Extend, push, extend, push, extend, push. The friends that I swim next to are nice company to have, better than most, even, but hearing them is difficult when water is constantly at the doors of my ears, and seeing them is difficult when water is constantly at the windows of my eyes. I dare not count the time until practice is over, that would be too much to bear. I can only count my strokes, count my breaths, count the time it's been since I last took a minute break, count the number of 25ms and 50ms and 100ms remaining until the set is over. Were I too see it as it truly is, 100ms after 100ms after 100ms after 100ms after 1000ms, all lying ahead of me, there would be no chance of finding reasons to stay in swim. And the chlorine makes your body itch like a motherfucker. All day. When you wash it off it burns your skin, leaves you red.

So why do I stay in swim? Because I'm not a fucking pussy. That's what I've been telling myself. There are innumerable benefits to swim. You get a tan, you get lean and strong simultaneously, you gain discipline, you necessarily must fix your sleep schedule. The chlorine singes your skin in a way such that the propagation of that wicked creature acne is all but halted. You get to say you were in swim, at one time. You get to experience the joy, at the end of it all, of having completed something you absolutely did not need to do but did anyway because you're not fucking weak. I may just be a puny human who can hardly tell right from left and would probably leave his head on a bus if it weren't attached, but look what I did. Look at what I have become, strong. I have what it takes to push myself through anything, and swim is a testament to that fact.

In reality, the question to me is whether or not me leaving swim is a moment of truth or a moment of weakness.

Someone give me a reason to stay. Make things harder for me.
Someone give me a reason to leave. Make things harder for me.

 

I swam when I was younger but dropped out after a while because of some issues in the family, so I had the easy way out. A friend of mine is in swim right now, and I asked her “what advice would you give someone to quit taking swim?” She told me that if you really don’t want to do it; stop. If you don’t love it and you know that it’s not something you want to do and it just seems like a chore, find something you’re more passionate about and replace swimming with that. Pick up an instrument or try another sport, if that’s what you would like. Find something you love more than swimming and something you know you’ll be passionate for down the road.

 

honestly, if you hate it that much you shouldn't stay in it. swim may have its benefits, but you should never put yourself through something that makes you depressed. there are many different other ways to get strong, gain discipline, and fix your sleep schedule. so, i suggest you look into finding something else that does that

 

Nothing is a moment of weakness, don't go swimming if you despise it, you will eventually find your sport but swimming is probably not for you, everything has a happy end. :)

 

Yea I think the Pros and Cons list is a fine idea, but the problem isn't the creation of the list, as I can tell anybody what is good and what is bad about it. The problem is evaluating the extent of each pro and con. What if there are 10 cons and 3 pros but 2 of the pros are worth all 10 of the cons?

For the record, @JokerBen , @t3mptr3s , @UlzzangKyutie , @NoThisIsAmanda , @Amandq , and others who have dm'ed me, I appreciate all the support you've given me, regardless of the decision I make. I have read all your comments and I have taken them into account. What has been said here is basically what people tell me in real life. I should quit if it's such a weight on my life.

Last friday was my first meet. As expected, I took last place, or as I like to say it, top 6, in all the events I was placed in by my coach (500, 200 relay, 400 relay, and worst of all, the 200). For the moment, I have decided to stay. Attending swim has become less of a burden on me. I usually cast thoughts of it out until I get there and then the length of time wherein I anticipate the swimming is much less brutal. I still, of course, have moments where I want to quit, like before the first meet. I just didn't want to have any of it: the time commitment, (the meets essentially last until the evening, so up until about 7 PM, or 5 hours after school), the fact that I wasn't going to succeed in any event, the actual difficult part of it (While I didn't know at the time, as I had never done it before, the 200 is supposedly the hardest event, as it is fundamentally the longest of any sprint in swimming. This is hard to appreciate until you actually go all out for 200. My arms wanted to fall off at the end :P My friends were telling me my coach was being a dick for putting me in it but I was but a boy, and didn't understand. (I prefer the 500, where there is, frankly, little expectation for the swimmer to go all out, so large defeats are less significant (in fact, at around the 9th lap in the 500, I entered some state of euphoria or very primal state of mind which I can only guess is similar-though much different-to a runner's high in cross country (I get that 9 laps isn't very much for this to occur, but it was more like a comforting feeling where there was no pressure at all and my arms were easily moving through the water))). But for the most part, the reasons to stay are increasing.
-My endurance has improved by a lot. I have somehow become [addicted?] to pushing my arms through the water when they don't want to move anymore. I like the soreness. I like the pain. I like seeing my muscles grow, feeling the new power. While I am undoubtedly weak, I had definitely underestimated my own abilities, and, at least in short distance swimming (50), I don't feel so outclassed by everybody (This is partly due to the fact that my school isn't such a great school for swimming, but also because I, somehow, have improved at the damn thing).

An impersonal reason which has persuaded me to stay to some degree is the fact that my presence is connected to other peoples' attendance. I have been told by some of the people at swim, two senior friends of mine, both of whom are main factors in me staying, that they would probably piggy back off of my quitting, as, like myself, they find swim to be a bit of a hassle, and stay because of the people they are swimming with. I also think, admittedly a bit self-important, that my presence as the worst (basically) senior swimmer is something of a noble position. I hope that the underclassmen see that I rise from losses with a smile on my face and become inspired by my resilience.

For those swim geeks:
50 free:
100 free:
200 free: 2 minutes and 31 seconds
500 free: 7 minutes and 19 seconds
(I know they're bad but they're still my official PBs haha)

I was disappointed when I learned that my 50 and 100 weren't timed as they were parts of relays and there were not enough stopwatches (the school wherein the meet was held was somewhat technologically obsolete, had no scoreboard, so things had to be done the old-fashioned way) but I'll make sure to update it when I get them :) One thing I will thank my coach for is not putting me in any strokes. MY GOD I hate them all haha.

So yea, I'm not throwing in the towel just yet (;

 

I suck at swimming. Im only good at Track and field. 12.9 100 meter dash and 524 mile. I feel the same as you, but when i skii, i fall and cannot grt up. Them when i tried going down the hill i hit a boarder and hit someone and went into a tree. im pathetic i know Lol

 

Finished swim.
Final times:
50: 25.08s
100: 56.69s
200: 2:11.15s
After I set goals for myself it got better.
Don't give up.