This might not be successful, but I'll try. Let's begin. Also this is stupid to be horrific xD (Chapter 1.) January 8, 2006. My name is George. I was sitting in my room, alone, as usual. I don't have any friends, or anyone to trust. I don't feel anything, I have no emotions, and I don't love anyone. No one understands me, and I don't want them to understand me. Knock knock "Who is it?" I said. Sometimes, my family tries to make me have 'fun' or be 'happy', which I don't get. "It's me, dear." Mom said. Mom is the closest to my trust, but I still don't trust anyone, nor do I care about anyone. It seems like they want to figure me out. "Dinner's ready. Wash your hands, and go downstairs." Mom said. "I'm not hungry." I said, which wasn't true, but I wanted to be alone, and I don't think having your family looking at you while you eat is enjoyable. "You have to eat, you can't stay in your room forever." Mom said. "Just leave my food at the door, and leave me alone. I want to be alone." I said. My mom sighed heavily, like she wished she was a single lawyer instead, which I don't blame her for. I don't think anyone wants to be related with ,e. She left after that, just like always. But I didn't care, I just went back to studying, It's not like everyone is expecting me down there. I have 1 brother and 1 sister, they don't bug me, but they don't like me because of my attitude. Yeah, likewise. Because of them, my parents always want me to be better and at their level. They are in Highschool already, and I'm still in Middle school. They expect me to be a Scientist, like them, but I don't care about myself or my 'future that's ahead of me." I opened the door, and I didn't see my food. I was pretty angry, since I clearly told her to leave it at my door, but sometimes, talking with mom is like talking to a broken telephone. I was about to go downstairs, but I heard the door close, loudly. I was at the stairs, but when I looked down, It was... just.. dark. I thought my family was watching a movie, without me, without asking me, but I didn't care, I was glad they didn't. So I went downstairs, and I tried turning on the light to find my food, but it didn't work for some reason. "Can someone turn the electricity back on? You do know you can just turn off the living room's lights, right?" I said. I didn't get an answer, maybe she was angry at me, seems like they want to sell me. I went upstairs, and got my flashlight, because the Garage is too creepy (That's where the electricity panel is at), and looked for my food. It was.... horrifying.. Now I know why the door closed.. but.. that wasn't it.. they wouldn't just turn off the lights to mess with me and paralyze my mind, it was definitely something.. paranormal. There was, blood. everywhere, and knifes just red. I went to the living room, screaming. "Are you okay?!" but no one was there. the TV was static, and it was half broken, so I went upstairs, closed my door tightly, and ran to my bed. Who was that? Why would they do such a thing? and more Importantly.. why did they choose my family? now.. I'm even more lonely. I bolted out of my house through the window. And I almost broke my leg, but It hurt a bit, but I didn't care. A car was near by, and I saw somebody in it, so I ran to them, hoping to get help. "Is someone here? Please answer me." I knocked at the window, as hard as I can. But no answer. I opened their trunk with a crowbar from the ground that I found, but it also had blood in it, so I rinsed it off with a water hose before I grabbed it. I opened their trunk.. and.. I saw something, a 13 year old shouldn't see.. My family's bodies. they were squeezed in, like.. it was a piece of cake. I threw up after that, and fainted. January 9, 2006. It was already morning, and I woke up, and I was on the grass, meaning someone moved me. It rained, because I was wet. my leg really hurts, so I used the crowbar to help me stand up.. I looked at the trunk, only to see that the bodies disappeared. Someone is out there, to get me. But.. why didn't they already kill me? Are they waiting for the right moment? Who are they, exactly? I knocked at a few doors, but no one answered. They might've all hated me, but one of the doors were open, so I went in. "Hello, anyone here?" I said. It was a dark, house. I couldn't just turn my back, so I kept on moving. I entered a room, which belonged to a girl, a young girl. I saw her bag in the bed, so I opened it, looking for food, because I was hungry. But then, the closet behind me opened, and something clapped two times. I turned around, only to see the closet closed. And I opened it, with fear, a whole lot of it. But.. no one was in it. I then heard a few of their hanged paintings fall down with their glasses breaking into pieces, and a sudden lightning happened. I went downstairs, and I saw the door closed, and I don't remember closing it. So I looked in the kitchen, which was REALLY dark, but I just took a peek. Then.. The basement door opened, and I went there.. I didn't enter the basement though, It was too risky. I looked down, and I got dizzy.. it was, too dark. I also felt a presence, it was a very, hating presence. So I took a step in, and turned on the lights, surprisingly worked. I then took a step back. "Who ever is down there, I'm going to lock you in, right now!" I said, bravely. But the door closed on me, and the lights burned off, and I feel down the stairs, but I sprinted back up. The door was closed, and I took out my flashlight. It turned off, but I gave it a little shake. And then.. The same presence, clapped 2 times behind me. End of Chapter 1
Spooky :o I really like it- I usually don't read stories on here but this one looked good and I'm glad I read it.
It's a good story overall Xad. Quite nice. But I'll put my criticism in a spoiler since I will be 100% honest. Hope you enjoy the criticism. Spoiler: Shadow's Criticism It's a good story, but the idea of just an empty response after a little bit of talking in a VERY dark environment, is a little bit cliche. The red blood knives were a good addition, but from here to there, it almost made it a bit obvious as to what it would lead up to due to the cliche type things. The ending was really good though. It had a nice cliffhanger, and the "Familiar presence," clapping twice gives a good chill down the spine. Very nice there. Also, your story appeared to have... a little bit of the "Trying too hard to make it seem creepy." The thing about creepy stories is, it stays within the mind. But with the "Trying too hard to make it seem creepy," type story, people remember the images more than the story itself, and I would assume you would want people to remember the story more than imagery from their own mind, which could be interpreted differently. Great story otherwise. (Chapter 1 criticism)
