My Journey So Far

Okay, so if you don't know me at all, my name is Joseph. I have been on here since December of 2013.

I have had a good experience on here, but this comes with a lot of complications. I used to be very "derpy" and "annoying." I think overall, I have really grown on here as a person.
I still today believe that I used to be very toxic. I always started trouble where trouble wasn't needed. People saw my threads as a way of stating my honest opinions and at the time, so did I, but now I only see those posts as flame wars waiting to happen. I bashed the staff team on multiple occasions and caused a lot of drama with certain staff members. I thought of myself as a huge issue and I got a lot of support, but I also got a lot of hate. I applied for staff multiple times. I wanted to be staff, but at the same time, I went against the staff team and talked bad about them...? I don't know actually why I did that. The staff team has never been as bad as I used to say they were. I eventually changed my attitude. No, not to get staff... I changed to be nicer and just a better person in general. Being staff was never my reason to stay and change. I changed to be more caring and I stayed on here due to friendships. I started to post more positive things. I never thought posting my opinions was a problem, but the way I used to do that was not acceptable at all. I learned and changed and I think I'm doing a lot better now.

You might be asking, why does this thread matter? Whats the point?

The point of this thread is to show that people can change and even if some people don't like you for the way that your changing, it shouldn't matter as long as you are proud of yourself.

Why is this in the "Real life stuff" section if it about just the server?

I put it in this section because recently, I have been feeling sort of upset with people irl. I wanted to address that. Even though some of my friends at my school don't like how I have been changing, it doesn't matter because I am happy with the way I am and the way I act. I lost two friends recently because they didn't like how I was acting anymore. It really hurt me because I felt like the problem and I thought about it for a couple of weeks. Eventually, I accepted the fact that we were no longer friends because we just grew apart. It was difficult for me to not take it personal, but I did my best. I assumed when they both didn't want to be friends with me anymore, it was just my fault. I took everything personal. Plus, I have always been someone that takes things too personal and I have always cared too much about what people think about me. When I started to talk to people about my issues (like friends and family), it was hard for them to help me because I soon realized that I have battles with myself. I always think that I am not good enough. Half the time when I tell people this, they would just get upset and just assume I was just seeking attention, but I really do have problems with self acceptance. I don't always feel like a loser and I usually like the way I am, but when people choose to not be friends with me or say bad things about me, it really shoots down my self-confidence. Not only that, but the past couple of months for me have been super hard and confusing. I have felt frustrated and I have felt like I wasn't good enough. I thought there were a lot of things wrong with me. Sort of like everyone else was normal and I was the odd one. Yes, I am going to go talk to a therapist soon and at first I was very uncomfortable with talking about my feelings and emotions to a stranger, but as I have come to realize, a lot of people have issues that they go through. I know that my issues are not the worst or the hardest to deal with, but going to talk to someone about them is very beneficial in most cases and also in my situation. I am still scared to go talk to someone about my issues lately (being bi, self acceptance, anxiety, feeling sad, etc.) but I know that when I do that it will probably make things a whole lot better.

So the main point of the thread is:

Don't ever doubt yourself unless you know for a fact that the problem is you and even then it is sometimes hard to determine. Also, be yourself and don't hang around people that don't make you feel good about yourself. Nothing worse than having a shitty friend. Be around people that make you feel confident in yourself and make you feel comfortable.

And remember, everyone goes through changes and problems, but dealing with them and getting help really does help.
You can always change the way you are if the way you are is not a way you feel you should be acting. You should want to change to benefit yourself and not the please the demand of others.

That is all. I hope everyone has a great day/night. c:

 

Can't be toxic if you're fighting poison.
You had some very good opinions in those threads... Hope you're not abandoning them. Things change but you can't fall into a trance.

Anyways, nice thread :)

 

I thought it was bad since I know I've been changing...
I've definitely become a lot meaner and a bigger bitch.
But since I have amazing friends they accepted that.
Remember if you ever need to talk to anyone you have amazing friends and I hope everything goes well for you Joseph
(✿◠‿◠)

 

Not necessarily changing and disagreeing with what I said in past threads I made about the server and staff. I was just addresing that the way I executed my opinions was not always the best.

 

This is very inspiring. Honestly, I agreed with most of your threads when you made them. Stating your opinion isn't always a bad thing, it can just turn into a bad situation. I'm extremely sorry about what you've been going through, lately. You'll get through it, though. It seems like you're starting to, already. You're a strong person. If you ever need anyone to talk to, we'll (your friends) will always be here for you. Thank you for making this thread. It'll inspire many people.

 

I really like this thread a lot. I've changed a lot because of this server. I have met amazing people here and I don't know what I would do without them. They accept me for my opinions and I accept everyone else's opinions as well. Well, most of the time. And to be perfectly honest, I still try to fit in with other groups of people so I seem like a nice person to talk to. I just don't understand why I force myself to do something like that because I know, if people don't accept me for who I am as a normal human being, they aren't my real friends. This is why I chose you to be my other half, Joseph. You accept people for being themselves and you don't have to try at all to get people to like you. You are very inspirational and super friendly and we are all here for you whenever you need help. Remember to keep your head high and defeat whatever is in your way. You know you can do this and I will always be by your side. ❤
my grammar sucks.

 

You're so nice c:
Thank you Robert, it means a lot! <3