My decision.

Hey
I know you know who I am. I'm not doubting that. I've been active here ever since January when I returned.
This isn't about when I joined, this is about when I'm taking a break, which is now.

I've been depressed lately, about a lot of things. Some of those things have been caused by this here forum. Note that I did not say the server itself, but the forum.
I try my hardest to be the best person I can be. That involved helping those in need, and being an awesome friend. That also includes being honest with people. During my little honesty stretch, I didn't like what I saw. I was 'hated' and 'attacked' for my opinions. To the point where I felt that I was in the wrong, for stating my opinions.
It isn't just that, it's been happening. Whenever I'm in the wrong, I'm made out to be the bad guy. It's like people forget that I'm not perfect, and that they're not perfect. I feel like they expect me to be. I'm going to make mistakes, no doubt about it. We make mistakes to learn for the future.

This forum looks to have an amazing community. I'm not doubting that there are some amazing people on here. But, nothing is perfect. This forum is toxic.
It's toxic from my point of view. We are always given the hint that we should be like the others. That's what I've been feeling.

I remember when there were simpler times. That was when I joined this place. Back in June of 2015.
I feel like I've been used and mistreated, just so people can "advance" farther than me, by rallying off my mistakes.

That brings me to another thought.
Staff.
I'm going to be honest, I have an open application. I felt like most of you know, for some reasons I will not state. I'm conflicted.
The only reason I came back to this place was because I wanted staff. I wanted that rank. I wanted to be noticed.
It changed me. It forced me to want to grow up, so it could look like I was a proper applicant. The whole thing, changed me. It basically forced me to go along with the best decision, and state what I did not believe. I was fake.
I wanted to be staff so bad, that I would do anything to look like the average member of this forum, who everyone thinks they deserve that rank. I don't even know what I was thinking. I was persuaded in a mental way, back then.
I feel like my story relates to most people. All the time I see people doing what I did. Trying to go along with the flow, and keep doing this stuff to just get staff. It's not about the rank. You don't need a gosh dang rank to help people, now that I realize it. If you wanted to help people, then there are many easier ways to do so.
I see people look fake, act fake, and I think that it's all about the rank. A little rank, on a minecraft related forum. It's crazy when I think about it, right now.

No matter how much I try to get people to be honest to their-selves, it won't work. I can't change how people are. Only they can change their-selves. Learn from my experiences, and be honest to yourself. Be smart, I beg of you. I don't want anyone to fall victim of this addiction like I did.

That brings me up to another point.
Addiction.
I'm addicted to this place. I admit it, and I can say the same for other people. I am addicted to this place. i can finally understand why my parents tell me that I'm addicted to this stuff, because I am. I want to stop this addiction, because it it slowly making me go crazy.

I've had great times on here, gained new friends, and have matured like crazy. I'm not doubting that. And I'm glad that I returned, even if it was for a purpose which it shouldn't have been.

This doesn't mean that I'm leaving, it doesn't. Curing an addiction takes time, and I will slowly grow out of this. That won't be anytime soon, if I'm correct, so expect to see me here more. I am half and half about closing my application, because I want to put this behind me. I will ultimately close my application, because I know that it is the right thing to do, for my situation. It will take time, as I like to finish what I started. Maybe I was meant to finish this journey with closing my app, who knows? But, I still need to think. I'm not going to say I'm sorry if I offended anyone, because you shouldn't be offended by a 14 year old's opinions.

This thread will be automatically locked because I know there will be people who think differently the way I do. No doubt about that. There will still be people like I was, no doubt about that. There will still be honest to good members, no doubt about that. This is my ultimate decision, to slowly try to cure my addiction. The addiction that has been eating me alive ever since I started it.
I hope you understand.
-Smg


People who have stayed with me the whole way, and are my best friends:
@KidTryHard
@Darkstorm77
@ItzJWD
@haruhichan
@CaptainJackValdy
@Venom_Snake
There are many more.
I'd like to thank you all who have helped/understood me.