I'm Sorry

you know after a few months passed, I have really thought about a few things. I know that I have not always been the most nice or most caring person to others on here, but I have still cared about a lot of players. I had to deal with a lot of crap on the forums and server over the past eh... three years? and you know... it was hard to know how to deal with the drama that the forums and server caused me. I liked to be liked. I'm not going to even lie. Who likes to be hated? Like really? I wanted to be someone that you could say is... you know... popular, but still be mature and nice and caring. What I have come to realize is just how hard that was and still to this day is. It is very hard to be all of that on these forums. I post what I feel and I do what I think is considered in my mind to be appropriate or needed. But some things that I have done to people on here have not always been needed and I will acknowledge that. I won't hide it anymore. I will admit it... I have talked a lot of shit about people who I have not liked in the past. Was it needed? Probably not. Were they rude to me too? Yes, in most situations, but it still wasn't appropriate for me to say what I did to people.

I don't want to tag her, but basically, I am sorry Jessie. I know that we have had a vicious rollercoaster of being friends and being enemies. I have told you countless times that we could work it out. I have said sorry countless times, but still no changes. I understand that. I am willing to admit that. The only thing that still to this day bothers me is that I never heard the same from you. Yes, I will say it was me too and even go on to say mostly me, but we played out the hatred together. I am not asking for you to like me and I am not asking to be friends, but I don't want to do this anymore.

I don't want to feel so low about myself anymore and I want the people that have ever had an issue with me to just message me or inbox me and we can work it out. I still have a lot of anger towards people, but I will try my hardest to forget and forgive. I think overall that I am a pretty nice person, but I have my limits like every other person and I have been pushed past those limits countless times. I even feel like I have been treated unfairly on here and... I'll even give an example... my demotion. Yes, I was given a chance by William and yes I lost that chance and caused issues, but some inside info was not said and I still to this day don't feel like it was 100% a fair trial... if that's what you want to call it. But this thread was not made to talk about my demotion so I will continue on. Anyways, I am sorry for playing my part in all the drama and hate. I again have limits like everyone else and if I am pushed past those limits, I can crack. It is hard for me to keep my chill, I admit that. I have always been like that, but I feel like if all that negativity was removed from my experience on here, I would be like how I used to when I first joined... you know... all nice and cheery 24/7. I still do want to be state my opinions and how I truly feel and not what people want me to think. I also don't want to change for people or for a rank, I just want to change to feel better about myself and to just move on.

I think it is very hard for people online to move on because the messages and threads are always there. I think that makes it a lot harder vs. someone getting mad irl. When someone gets upset irl, that moment of aggression is forgotten after a week or two. Online it is different. The threads I have made in the past are still up, my anger in some of my posts are still present and that won't change, but why have our feelings continue to stay the same? If people who I have done wrong in the past still want to be mad at me and hate me and never want to talk to me again, that's their choice, but I am tired of it. I want to move on and that is what I am going to do. I hope for an apology back from some because tbh this has not just been a game with myself. It takes two to tango and tbh I will even say that I feel in my heart that I deserve an apology. Will I ever get one from some? Probably not, but that doesn't matter as much to me anymore. I just want everyone to be happy with me and for me to be happy with others. I won't even lie anymore. I am a lover tbh not a hater and I am sorry if I ever gave off an opposite message over the past few years. Please please please message me if I have ever done any of you wrong. I want to work all this out. Until then, that is all. Have a good day/night everyone.

 

Well. Hey, I forgive you.

I have known you for a while. But when you became Helper, things took a turn for the worse. I saw people that were being toxic more than ever to you, so I can see a reason why things started steaming for you as well. But my advice is don't take things too seriously. I learned this the hard way.

Basically, try not to get angry and, if you keep making the same threads about apologizing "that you became toxic to others", nobody is going to forgive you as they might be suspicious or something as these threads become more common by the same user.

 

It takes a wimp to say sorry.
It takes a man to mean sorry.
I think you've achieved the meaning of it.

 

I'm going to quote something that the amazing Smgstar said.

For real, I know you messed up. I know you said some stuff you regret, but those were some learning experiences. You look to have learned from them very well, and that's amazing, because that's what we're supposed to do with our mistakes. Learn from them.

And I completely understand you being 'pushed off your limit'. For real, I completely understand and know the feeling.
We all aren't perfect, we all have those moments of getting angry and doing some stuff which you regret, but you learn from them. (basically what I said earlier)

Closing up, no matter the mistakes you have made, I still respect and count you as one of my friends. You are an amazing person for realizing these mistakes and dealing with them head on, by just saying a simple sorry. Keep being you, stay positive, and keep being an amazing person.

 

I'm just imagining your avatar saying that. x3

 

thank you.
It means a lot. I just hope that people see that I am trying to be a better person.

 

tbh Joseph, I always respected you and still do. You aren't afraid to speak your mind and you are always trying to improve this place. I never thought you were a bad person at all. But then again, its just me.

If you changed for the better, then that's great, everyone deserves a second chance.