Hello! I don't feel like I need to make an introduction. These are Chapters 3+4 of my story that I have been writing. Feel free to read and give feedback... Remember, if you want to read any other chapters/the prologue of this story, you can by clicking the links in my information page on my profile page. I have all the links to my story related pieces there. I hope you all enjoy. Chapter 3. I head out to the pond out in the forest to get some fresh water. Hey, what am I even kidding-I don’t even know if this stuff is fresh or not, but it’s the only water we got. I take a few sips and clean my face, I can already see the dirt sliding off in a watery fashion, and I can still see the stressed face of my reflection. Soon after I complete this task, a familiar face approaches me. Alejandro. He starts the conversation, “Hola my friend. How are you doing?” “Better. I still got my mind on that little incident earlier, and about tomorrow.” “Muchacho, it will be alright! You have people on your side, like myself. Do not worry.” “Thanks for this, Alejandro-but I don’t think any words can stop my thoughts.” “What do you mean, mi amigo?” “I know what Ryder is doing, and I know why.” “You cannot know what he is doing until it actually happens, my friend.” I start to get angry, but I control my temper. I reply, “That’s true, I just don’t want anyone to suffer because of him.” Alejandro strokes his beard, and I can already see that he’s in deep thought. He replies to me with, “Mi amigo. No matter who becomes our ‘leader’, people will suffer. People are already suffering, just look.” I turn my head and see the looks of depressed civilians. It hurts me to see them like this. “Muchacho, I can understand where you’re coming from. I saw what happened earlier, and we got a true taste of what Ryder is like. I know you’re the better man.” “Thanks, Alejandro. It means a lot, believe me.” That’s when I see Chevy strolling right in. He enters the conversation with, “Hello friends! Great weather we’re having.” Alejandro and I both look up into the sky, and see clouds. I can already guess that it’s going to rain. In reply to Chevy’s words-I say, “Sarcasm?” “You know me so well. Hey, while we’re out here, take a look at who’s over there.” “What?” I turn my head, and see Kacie sitting in a tree looking at the sky. My heart skips a beat, and Alejandro finally says something. “Amigo, why do you want us to look at her?” “I’m not asking you to stare, just look. She and Ryder started dating today, right after your guys’ argument. That’s what I heard.” I feel my heart stop for a second when he says the word ‘dating’, in association with Kacie and Ryder. I stand up and say, “What did you say?” “You heard me. Dating. If you don’t believe me, go ask her yourself.” I just stare at Kacie, and reply with, “N-no, it’s fine. I believe you.” I hear a short burst of thunder, so my speculation was right. I say to the guys’, “We got to round everyone up and head into town. Can’t have anyone out during this storm, can’t even risk it.” Alejandro had been keeping quiet mostly, but replies, “I agree muchacho. Let’s head out.” I follow closely behind Chevy and Alejandro, as I see Kacie right next to us. I look at her, but once I see her look me in the eyes, I move my head and keep looking forward. Somehow I know that Ryder is doing this to urk me. Chapter 4. The storm is hitting us bad, actually. Worse than I thought-I think to myself, “Looks like I got to camp out in this hell-hole.” I look around at how crowded this place is, but the silence is surprising. I head over to my sleeping bag, and organize the only belongings I have. A baseball mitt, and a picture of my family. I can already tell when and how old I was when this was taken. I was 9 years old, and didn’t know much back then. I look at my mother, and feel the sadness hit me like a truck. I see my father, happy as ever, just smiling, like he knew that he was working on a project that was going to “save” the world. I twist my eyes to see my younger brother, Hunter. I hold the tears back as I see his small adorable face. Most brothers back then had a rocky relationship with each other, but Hunter and I were as close as the grass on the ground. Yeah, not even kidding. We hanged out all the time, and I gave him tips about what to expect when we were going into a new school year. I even remember when I caught someone bullying him, and I taught that kid a lesson. After the apocalypse started, I never saw him again… I start to feel the tears fall down my face, as I think about him more. He was my first best friend… I start to hear some commotion come from the fire-pit located in the middle of the first floor. I look up to see people crowding it. There’s got to be at-least 20 of ‘em. I wipe the tears off my face, and head over. Immediately I hear Alejandro’s voice. I can already tell that he’s sharing some of his “ancient” folk tales that they told when he was younger. Even though we tend to hear the same ones, it’s always nice to take a listening to. Walking around, as I try to find a nice place to watch, I see Kacie sitting next to Ryder. I feel the sadness and the anger start to grow inside of me, but I keep it cool. I find a nice place to stand and watch. “Mi amigos! Mi amigos! My stories will never end, and they will keep us entertained in our time of distress!” I hear an unfamiliar voice, but I know that it’s Darek Hobbes talking. He replies with, “Yeah, if only we had some better entertainment. No offense dude, but this stuff can get boring at times.” I look around to see some chatter starting, and I can tell that Alejandro is not affected. That’s when I hear Jake say something, “Hell, this stuff gets boring. Everything gets boring when we hear/see it after a while-we got to accept what we got. Alejandro, continue?” I can already tell that something’s brewing. I see Ryder smirk and say, “Jake, this guy is allowed to have an opinion. We’re allowed to share our thoughts, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Ryder strokes his slight beard and continues, “I know you’re smart, no doubt about that, b-” Jake cuts him off and says, “But what? As you said, I’m allowed to share my opinions. That was my opinion. Let’s just be quiet and listen to Alejandro.” Ryder, being who he is, doesn’t back down. I can see him about to say something before Darek whispered something in his ear. Then Ryder went silent. Alejandro finally continues with his story, but I’ve felt like I’ve heard enough of people talking for a day. I start to walk outside, but I see Chevy looking at me. He looks confused, but I don’t say anything. I continue to walk outside, and just stand out in the rain. I don’t know why I do this, nor if I’ll stay out there. What I do know is that I love rain. It’s usually so relaxing, and it can calm anyone. I lean against the wall as I get soaked, and I can hear Alejandro’s voice from inside. Something about it is just….adventurous. If you get what I mean. After a while of standing out there, I start to hear multiple voices. They start to grow as time goes by, and I can already tell that another “fight” has arose. I’m about to go in when I see Kacie walk out. I just stand there staring at her, while she looks at me confused. She says, “Daniel Gludwick? Man, I thought you were still in there! What are you doing out here?” I stutter, but reply, “Just needed some fresh air, plus the rain relaxes me. In fact, why did you decide to come out here all the sudden?” She replies almost immediately, “Basically same reason as you. Plus, I wanted to get out of the whole nonsense going on inside. I feel sorry for those trying to sleep.” “Tell me about it. Who’s going at it?” “Ryder and Jake, they really hate each other, don’t they? Almost as much as you hate Ry-” She stops talking and realizes what she said. I already know what was going to be said, but I act confused. “I hate..who?” “Mhm….Ryder…” “I don’t hate the guy, it’s just, we don’t get along.” “He’s said a lot of bad things about you, some things I think you should know. He’s going crazy about all of this.” “I can tell.” I can’t really believe it. I’m actually talking to her, and I can’t hold it in but I smile. That’s when I hear a crack of thunder, as the town hall goes silent.
Kacie and Ryder? Yikes Yikes Yikes Feels Feels Feels Great couple of chapters. You're pretty talented :D
Nice. Now here's 2 things my Literature teacher taught me which is incredibly hard to do. 1) Never use the words is, very, thing, or the suffix -tion in almost every situation. 2) Repeatedly cut off 50 words from your text as much as you can until you don't have a topic If you try those almost impossible things, it helps compact stuff. Just saying :D
