The Cat HouseHold Guide [Show your cat/kitten this]

I don't know. I seriously felt like it. This is about a cat that is giving a kitten a household tour.


Cat's POV:

Dear Kitten,

Since I have hissed at you on the contrary of 247 times it is now my duty as the head of the household to welcome you. Perhaps you are here to replace me so I will educate you on your new surroundings. As Maxamillion once did for me. R.I.P.

Dear kitten, this room here is basically a crap-shoot. Either you get the petting of your life with two hands like you don't even know whats going on or they just lie there and don't do anything for hours, it's weird. Oh and I should also point out. On special occasions they leave their underwear drawer out to show their appreciation of me. Just to be clear it's my spot. *Sniff* It's perfect in there. It's like sleeping while surrounded by underwear. Well, that's what it is.

Dear Kitten, I remember when I can fit in a shoe. There was nothing like it, being in-golfed in 360 degrees underneath the ground. In that foot smell, enjoy it while you can.

Dear Kitten, because you are so small you can't jump which is sad, sad for you But you soon will and you will find the places that I refer to as 'Up' [Kitchen sink] This will come in handy, trust me.

Dear Kitten, you should be aware that there are two kinds of food. The first is some sort of dehydrated brown nibblets. I think they give us these because they are training to be astronauts, just a guess. The second is some wet food. It is special because they keep it in these little armored metal cases that no claw can touch. But humans with no claws can somehow open them. I think it's some sort of black magic.

Dear Kitten, I should warm you about the monster named Vacuum [Pronounced @Vaicun . Yup Vaicun is a monster now. Or Va-c-ooo-n] It can eat and yell at the same time. And it can eat like seriously anything. Like a paperclip or two cat toys. Didn't even flinch. To hide from @Vaicun use the curtains for invisibility. Yup you're doing it right.

Dear Kitten, One final note, once in a while you might see a little red dot. I'm going to tell you this right now. It is real and it can be caught, I did it once. I held it for a full minute but when I lifted my paws it was gone. So Kitten. Welcome to the household.

Sponsored
by Friskies.

 

*shoves computer in cat's face* READ IT DAMMIT

 

Imma print this out and show it to my cat named Osborn in IRL.

 

I saw that commercial xD
Fear the Vaicunnnnn