[Double Resignation] Why?

Hi

As many of you guys have already found out, both @XandalfWizard and I have resigned.
Both came as a surprise to most, if not all.
Although Xander and I have very similar reasons, they differ in severity.

A summary of why Xander resigned:
School (Xander wasn't doing any school work)
Lack of interest towards Staff duties.

A summary of why I resigned:
School (I have been focusing way too much on Staff and as a consequence, I have been falling behind)
Stress (I've been stressed about School and Inactivity, which creates negative attitudes which I deeply detest)


I cannot say entirely everything for Xander, however he has enjoyed the last 9-10 months as Staff and is glad he had the opportunity to be a Staff.

Myself?
I have had the best 1 year and 4-5 months of my life.
From day 1 it has been an up-and-down rollercoaster which unfortunately had an ending.
From day 0, I was given a chance regardless of my history. For those who know, it was definitely surprising seeing me promoted, but I tried.
I've seen Staff and members come and go, however it is my time to become one of them.
I thank you guys for being so amazing and for making my time as a Staff one of the best experiences to have.


Was this a sudden decision by the both of us?
Yes and no.

Xander thought a little harder on his decision, however mine was very quick.
It was definitely nerve-racking to resign, especially since I do enjoy the rank, however I am stressing way too much on being inactive and not doing well in school.


The future?

Xander has no idea how active he is going to be from now on, but will most likely keep some connection.
Possibly a future reapplication if life heads on steady for him.

Me, I am going to continue to be active on the forums, however my activity in game will continue declining as it had been the past month.
I am not sure if I will reapply, as next year is my final year.
If the server is still running in 2018, then you may see me apply again, however it isn't a possibility in the near future.



Thank you guys for an amazing journey through Staff.
I want to thank the following people especially:
(@MrDeathWilliam @ItsJerry & @ItsHarry for giving me a chance even though 2014 was a shocker of a year .3.)
(@NESlover for being there when being Staff was hard, and being an amazing person)
(@XandalfWizard because friendship)
(@the staff team from 11th of April 2015 - 17th of August 2016)
and finally, everyone else who does not fit the above categories.
I love you guys so much <3

 

I'd like to thank the staff team for being an amazing team to work with for 9+ months.

@MappyTurtle Thank you for everything you've done. You're honestly one of the best friends I've ever had. Let's continue to be friends for a long time <3

@Kryokin Thanks for being an amazing staff member and friend and sorry for leaving you all alone in this timezone x3. Keep up the good work :)

@gevork Thank you for always being there for me. From playing skywars to catching hackers together, you're a great friend.

To everyone else, thanks for everything <3

 

Very good reasons, Mappy. I hope you get everything in your life sorted out.

Also if this is too personal let me know and I'll remove it but I noticed your self-esteem declining over these past few months as well. I want you to know that the negative stuff you say about yourself isn't true at all, and I want you to use some of your new-found free time building it back up.

I'm not going to sit here and shower you with compliments so you feel better, but know that you're a lot better than you consider yourself. A lot.

Also you better not leave entirely or cut out contact with me you butt. Without you I have next to no people to talk to here that aren't 12. If you leave the forums I'm going to find you and eat all your socks.

Good luck with everything, Mappy. <3

Also I wasn't tagged? rude.

 

Mappy, I said this on your profile, but I wouldn't be who I am right now if you didn't warn me 4 times in 2 days last year. For real, that was the one moment I started to realize that I was being stupid, and started to try to turn myself around. I'll always be thankful for that.

Xander, I still remember when you first got staff and visited Club Alter on Creative1. Good memories.


I'm going to miss you both as staff. Both of you were a fantastic part of the team, and again Mappy, thanks for last year. I mean it, and best of luck to you both on handling school/stress. :)
(I would write more, but I'm on a phone, so...)

 

Good luck with everything guys.

 

Good luck with school both of you, even though we had a disagreement a few days ago about the /socialspy thing, I do still think that you both did a great service to the server and the community. To @MappyTurtle I hope to see you around on the forums, and to @XandalfWizard I to see you around later on!
Again I want to thank both of you for the great work you put into this server.

 

Holy fuck...
You two have been the best staff members this server has ever had. Thanks for everything

 

Thanks for your service o7

To @MappyTurtle and @XandalfWizard : Your great staff members and the staff team will always remember you :)


I'm in tears writing this :(

 

Mappy and Xandalf, you will be missed. ;-; I hope you will reapply again. Mappy you're really nice to me and Xandalf you too. ;( o7.

 

Hopefully your sudden decision does not haunt you (directed towards mappy). I worry because you said that you loved being a staff member. There's always a balance that can be figured out between school and this. Under the stress you talk about, maybe it just wasn't very visible. Though it's always possible to talk to an admin about a solution. Then again, I'm not you and don't see it the same way. Hopefully you emotionally detach from this place and focus on school. Good luck.

 

Thank you everything you have both done for the server. @XandalfWizard will always remember when you first got Helper rank, pls keep in contact.

 

Do I regret resigning? Absolutely.
Was it necessary? Yes.

My activity started declining as a general at the start of Year 11.
I was able to keep reasonably well on top of things, but severely cut time away from important subjects, like Chem & IT, so I could spend more time on the server.

I feel ill from this, and I haven't been coping well, but the stress that came from being inactive due to irl reasons (stress, very bad sad feelings and frustration) + the stress I just mentioned was keeping me at a standstill.
Either continue being happy on the server and resign, or suffer a bit and resign to get your life back on track.
The worst feeling ever is sitting there trying to be happy and then stress that you are inactive on the server and then schoolwork.
It undos everything I've spent my hours doing.
To be able to continue working on the server, I would need to organise getting completely up to date with work, organising how to continue that, and fit in the server around my ever growing schedule. Which includes jobs such as a possibility working these upcoming holidays.

Unfortunately this isn't an easy decision to realise, which lead to me absolutely breaking down. Yes I talked to Nes about it, but I know I wouldn't be active enough to warrant an unresign. I was like ok I need to do this 123go. If I hadn't of done that, I would still be staff. However, everything would be going downhill.

I struggle in school purely because of my thinking style. It's bad and I know it, but 99% = failure.
I've hated every result I've gotten this year, but that's to be expected. That thinking style, however, also applied to my rank.
Not once in my entire 1.5 years think I was good enough.
I've never thought myself to be good at anything.
And I hate myself.

I try to keep everything private but stress obviously isn't a good cover word for this hah.

The realisation is the part I am struggling with.
I hate the fact I chose to.
But I feel like I was letting the entire team down with my constant inactivity - exams, camp, 2 week activity, feelings, my giant emotional breakdown.
I've barely been online in the last few weeks, which has made me feel worse and worse, and compared to last year my activity has been shocking.

Feelings aren't new to me, but wanting to punch my irl best friend in the face is not ok. Yelling at my family is not ok.
I know for a fact my confusion reactions have been getting worse with me not being able to handle the Unknown.

I don't want to pass any of this on to members, or even other staff.
I've seen what happens what a staff member is like that, and I could never imagine myself being there. I find it so disrespectful.



But hey, if the administrative team need/want me back, hit me up and I guess I can try but as far as it is, I am no longer staff.
Do I like that fact? No, far from it.
Do I blame anymore? No, aside from me

I feel absolutely sick and want to throw up but yanno, I don't want to be a complete failure of a staff member anymore.
(The inactivity issue is what put me on the resign side)

./.

 

Staff or not, I will always still care about you.

 

Xan I love you man and I can't stress it enough all those times we played skywars together and all those times we were skyping and team speaking were probably the greatest moments I've ever had on the server I know your most
Probably going to be less active but just know that ur still the greatest I know and I'm just gonna say sorry for everytime I fell asleep on u in a Skype call make sure u still call me ur friend ❤️

 

@MappyTurtle honestly, that is a very wise decision that you want to focus on school. Education is a very important thing and i wouldnt want to see you fall behind. Thanks for all your work. :)

Same to you @XandalfWizard , good luck on your studies.

Thank you both for your service. o7

 

@MappyTurtle - Throughout my limited experience of having you mentor me, I cannot describe how amazing and fun it was. You're a great person overall, and a spectacular staff member, one that I have great respect for. I wish I could have seen you reach Mod+. You will be missed, Mappy, thank you for everything you've done, best of luck in your life.. o7

@XandalfWizard - We never spoke to much, but I've always looked up to you in some ways. You're a great staff member and a great friend, thanks for your service. o7

Thank you both for serving for the staff team, both of you did an amazing job.. Good luck! o7

 

MappyTurtle and XandalfWizard,

I have grown a bond with you guys, those fun times we had together were the best moments of my life. It was wise for you guys to move on to your schooling and it will only benefit you from there. I hope we will stay connected and have that bond together. Thank you for the good times and thank you for your service and contribution to the server. Good luck on your future endeavours.