Laugh You Lose - High Stakes

WARNING: EXPLICT CONTENT! ALSO MY BROTHER USED THIS JOKE SOMEWHERRE IDK WHERE THOUGH CREDS TO @YoshcraftMLG
A kid comes home to see his mom and dad fighting.
Mom: You're an asshole!
Dad: You're a bitch!!
The kid being young does not know what these new words mean.
Kid: Mommy, daddy what does bitch and asshole mean?
Dad: uh.... l-ladies and gentlemen?!

the next day, the kid comes home and his parents are....yeah.
Mom: mm I love your dick
Dad: mm I love your tits
Kid: Mommy daddy, what does tits and dick mean?
Mom: u-uh, coats and hats?!!!

The night of thanksgiving, the kid comes home, his mom is stuffing the turkey and his dad is shaving.
His mom just found out she used the wrong stuffing
Mom: Fuck!!
Kid: Mom, what does fuck mean?
Mom: Oh, uh, it's another word for stuffing!

the kid goes upstairs to see his dad shaving.
Dad: Shit, I cut myself!!
Kid: Daddy, what does shit mean?
Dad: ah, i-it's the brand of shaving cream I use, shit!!

The doorbell rings, the family is here for dinner!!
Kid: I'll get it!!
Kid: Welcome, bitches and assholes! You can go put your tits and dicks in the closet while mom is fucking the turkey and dad is wiping the shit off his face!!

 

boo you whore

 

What did Jay Z call Beyonce before they got married?
Feyonce.
hahahaha- I'll see myself out.

 

What does whore mean?

 

Call your mum a whore, she'll love you for ever. Trust me.

 

A teenager and his mom are fighting
Teen Son: You're a bitch!
Later, the mom talks to the dad about what teenager said.
Mom: Honey, our son called me a bitch today.
Dad: That son of a bitch!

 

Those aren't very high stakes. It's just liking the post(s) that make you laugh ._____________.

 

Tell that to the person that made the original thread :P

 

i didnt laugh at any of these and i have a sense of humor

check dis out

 

I laughed a bit too hard at this.

 

I feel you. I looked through this whole thread and haven't laughed once.

 

Boy: Girl, I really like you
Girl: *giggles*
Boy: Your teeth remind me of a song
Girl: *giggling* Which one?
Boy: *starts singing* Black 'n Yellow Black'n Yellow Black 'n Yellow Black 'n Yellow

http://www.kappit.com/img/10052/juan-direction-what-makes-you-burrito/

 

Me: Wanna hear a joke about potassium?
Random guy: Sure!
Me: K.


Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
If I had a brick,
I'd throw it at you.

 

April is a quiet girl in class. The teacher was asking her about stuff to do with the Bible.
"April, who created earth?" asked the teacher.
Steven the annoying bully poked.her in the ribs with a pencil.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" she yelled.
"Correct, now who is God's son?" Again April wasn't paying attention so Steven jabbed her again.
"JESUS CHRIST!" she yelled.
"Right again April! Now what did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?"
Of course Steven jabbed her again.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE IF YOU STICK THAT THING INSIDE ME ONE MORE TIME, I WILL CHOP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF AND RIP OUT YOUR GUTS!!!" screamed April.
She then had detention the next day.

Yeah :|

 

I hear it differently I heard it like this-

Spoiler: How I heard it

There was boy in a very christian school, who was bored and started sleeping.
The teacher started asking him questions.
"Steve, who created earth?"
His friend poked him with a pencil to wake him up
"GOD!" He said, startled.
"Good" said the teacher, and steven went back to sleep.
A little while later, Steve got called on again
"Steven, who is the son of god?"
His firend poked him with a pencil again to wake him up
"JESUS CHRIST?!!!!" He yelled, annoyed.
"Very good" his teacher said. Steven went back to sleep.
After some time, the teacher called on steven again
"Now, Steve, what did Eve say to Adam after she had her 26th child?"
His friend poked him
"I SWEAR IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!!
Yeah. I didn't hear it much differently./SPOILER]

 

lol ^

Officer: Where do you live?
Kid: with my parents
Officer: Where do your parents live
Kid: In their house
Officer: Where is your house?
Kid: Next to my neighbors house
Officer: Where is your neighbors house?
Kid: If I told you you would not believe me
Officer: Where?
Kid: beside my house
I forgot how the original YT comment with do I made it simmular

 

What is this black point up there that gives bags full of drugs?
Heisenberg you racist shits

 

Spoiler

husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was."
The boys then gave the ten dollars to the teacher.


A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you - you’ve broken your finger!”

The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too…’


An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George’s Day,“ commented the English man. "So we obviously decided to call him George” “That’s a real coincidence,” remarked the Scot. “My son was born on St Andrew’s Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew.”
“That’s incredible, what a coincidence, "said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.”

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?”
Adam said, “Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to."
God said, “Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love’ and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense…”
Adam asked God, “What will this woman cost?”
God said, “An arm and a leg…”
Adam said, “What can I get for just a rib?”


Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn’t
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying IDIOT!! told you I was speeding too.

 

You think your slick don't you
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes