Tell me your favorite jokes

Discussion in 'General Discussion / Real life stuff' started by ItsJerry, May 10, 2015.

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  1. LaColeman

    LaColeman Leaving (INAL)

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    Screw my life, I'm out, lol.
     
    LaColeman, May 10, 2015
    #21
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  2. YFIOTR

    YFIOTR Donator

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    YFIOTR, May 11, 2015
    #22
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  3. InvalidStar

    InvalidStar

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    Knock Knock Jokes :p

    Knock knock?
    Who's there?
    Daysee
    Daysee who?
    Daysee me rollin' they hatin'...
    No? Ok.
     
    InvalidStar, May 11, 2015
    #23
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  4. mc_phantom4

    mc_phantom4

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    Teacher: can someone tell me the square root of 1?
    student: your life.
    Teacher: excuse me?
    Student: Its irrational.

    Walk in the classroom in May, teachers be like
    Teacher: it's so hot.
    Me: Oh I'm sorry I'll go
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2015
    mc_phantom4, May 11, 2015
    #24
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  5. Gooby

    Gooby ミCutie彡 Donator

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    my life
     
    Gooby, May 11, 2015
    #25
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  6. MC_Scout

    MC_Scout Fearless Leader Staff Member Manager

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    There once was a man who's last name was "Odd". Everyone made fun of him because of his last name.
    On his deathbed, he told his kids that he did not want his name on his grave, so that after death he could be in peace, and people could not make fun of him.
    When he died, his kids honored his wish and left him with a plain gravestone.
    Now people will walk past it and say "There is no name on the gravestone, that's odd"
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2015
    MC_Scout, May 11, 2015
    #26
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  7. sebastiann

    sebastiann Donator

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    sebastiann, May 11, 2015
    #27
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  8. jessie

    jessie Donator

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    jessie, May 11, 2015
    #28
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  9. _ItsMayDay

    _ItsMayDay Smol Blueberry Pun Skele 4 Life Donator

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    Student: Would you get mad at someone for something they didn't do?
    Teacher: No... why?
    Student: Because I didn't do my homework. Seriously. Give me the answers.
     
    _ItsMayDay, May 11, 2015
    #29
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  10. John_0696

    John_0696 Donator

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    Alright, heres a couple jokes i have

    A boy wrote a letter to god asking for 100 dollars, the mailman saw it and decided to take it to his boss, his boss laughed and said "Thats cute, give him like 10 dollars and send it back" the mail mans still didnt know what to do with it, so instead, he sent the letter to the president of the united states, he laughed and said the same thing the mailmans boss said, to put 10 dollars in and send it back. a couple weeks later, the president got another note in the mail from the same kid, it wrote

    Dear god, thank you so much for the 100 dollars, but i can see that this went through Washington so those thieving bastards took 90% of it.

    heres the 2nd one

    a man spent 6 hours at a bar before rolling home to his wife blind drunk, "Where have you been?" the wife demanded, the husband says "Ive been to this amazing bar, its called the golden saloon, everything there is golden, the Doors are golden, the floors are golden and even the Urinals are golden!" "What rubbish," the wife said, the husband then pulled out a piece of paper, "Here, ring this number if you don't believe me" he said, the following day the wife called the phone number, the bartender picked up. "This is the Golden saloon, how can i help you?" he said, the wife then spoke "Yes, i was calling to ask if there were golden doors at your bar?" the bartender replied "we sure do ma'am." the wife continued, "The Golden floors?" The bartender replied again, "Yup we sure do." the wife then said, "What about the golden urinals?" their was a long pause and the wife then heard the bartender yell "Hey duke! i think i got a lead on the guy who pissed in your saxophone last night!"

    hope these get a good laugh out of all of you c:
     
    John_0696, May 11, 2015
    #30
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  11. teitan

    teitan ‏‏‎ Donator

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    What did George Harrison say to his guitar while it gently wept?

    "Don't fret."
     
    teitan, May 11, 2015
    #31
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  12. Ayg

    Ayg life is interesting :)

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    My Joke:
    YOUR MUM
     
    Ayg, May 11, 2015
    #32
  13. animelover999

    animelover999 Donator

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    Yo mama so stupid

    She threw a rock at the ground and it missed. xD
     
    animelover999, May 11, 2015
    #33
  14. Warden

    Warden Donator

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    Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class. He stood in front of the class trembling and began.

    "ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."

    His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?"

    He replied, "It's running down my leg."
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2015
    Warden, May 11, 2015
    #34
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  15. KrisKrikken

    KrisKrikken

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    Some jokes here made me cry.

    I feel waaayyy too forced to properly use my sense of humor here.. :oops:

    Sorry, I'm not very confident. Hihi.. :oops: :oops:
     
    KrisKrikken, May 11, 2015
    #35
  16. Jakt

    Jakt Former Mod+ |questionable | Donator

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    lmao all this jokes are good
     
    Jakt, May 11, 2015
    #36
  17. Strikyn

    Strikyn Donator

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    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ( ง͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ง

    SORRY I JUST HAAD TO
     
    Strikyn, May 11, 2015
    #37
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  18. Yomc

    Yomc ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

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    I'm not sure that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skysc.... No, no, I can't post that.
    Hmmm... Hey, anyone remember when Titanic jokes were popular? There aren't many floating around anymore.
    image.jpg
     
    Yomc, May 11, 2015
    #38
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  19. Katerina

    Katerina Former Mοd Donator

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    What did the house wear at the wedding?

    address
     
    Katerina, May 11, 2015
    #39
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  20. Diffracting

    Diffracting Former M.o.d+ Donator

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    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

    I hope this wasn't that offensive.. :P (best joke ever)
     
    Diffracting, May 11, 2015
    #40
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