An honest apology to the forums.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic / Spam / Memes' started by Stolas, Jul 17, 2020.

  1. Stolas

    Stolas waffles > pancakes Donator

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    I come onto these forums every once in a while, maybe once a month just to check in on the server, forums and community. While the Java edition of the game dies down, so does the community, and so does my activity here on Its Jerry and Harry. These forums were once a home to me and was a place I felt comfortable to grow up in, even when I found myself in the middle of ridiculous self-inflicted scandals.

    I occasionally dive into my older threads and replies on the forums, it's honestly the only website where all of my messages have been documented. After going through my older messages, I have declared my old presence on the forums a toxic persona and I would not only like to apologise but also discuss that I was wrong.

    If you were an active member on the forums during 2017 and early 2018, you'd be lucky to not hear the name Expedect fly around once or twice. I was quite known for being kind of a dick, immature and childish. The name no longer represents who I am today, but who I once was. I took my actions on this server as a learning and growing point and became a stronger and better person.

    I spent too much time pretending to be somebody I wasn't and I ended up letting my true colors show when I was shown that I was not worthy of my position on the server. Over my 3-4 month long period of being a Helper on the server, I had grown to believe that I was in fact the best builder on the server. That I was in fact the best Helper on the server. Even when more experienced builders such as @Darkstorm77 called me out on my lack of experience, I tossed their advice aside and never got better. Even when other Helpers did their job just as well as I did, I was certain I was the best.

    The problems began when I stopped pretending to be somebody else and started believing I was somebody else. I would blame other people for my problems, and sometimes even self-diagnose myself for attention. Disgusting. I was creating a persona for myself so that people believed my status when the reality was I was just a 12 year old desperate for people to like me.

    When I was removed from my status, that persona was gone and the broken shell of it remained and I let my reputation (which I valued far too much) trash itself. I blamed other people, I blamed the server owners, but I never blamed myself. I made the mistake, I made myself the victim and I was immature. I made false and unreasonable accusations to protect myself which only made me look childish.

    I then began the cycle again, I pretended that I was a changed person and that I could be better, and started believing that I was a changed person when my intentions were clear. I was not changed and I couldn't be a better person without truly reflecting on my mistakes. The cycle couldn't continue where I wasn't able to show my position and status on the server. So I left and didn't look back.

    Except, even then that's not true. I made even more staff applications for a game I didn't even play anymore. I just wanted that status again. Even when it didn't matter, I just wanted to feel special and superior.

    In the end, I was never the victim and nobody painted me out to be the victim. The only person tarnishing my reputation was myself. I would like to personally apologise to anybody I displayed attitude to and especially the owners for attempting to attack their beliefs.

    <3
     
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  2. dinoceros

    dinoceros Donator

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    Cool
     
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  3. Strikyn

    Strikyn Donator

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    As you have mentioned, this whole drama was a couple years ago so I'm really sure that everyone has forgotten about this and moved past it now.

    Though in saying that, the most important thing you can take away from this situation now is that everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has done something that they regret, and that's okay. As long as you learn from those mistakes in order to better yourself as a person.
     
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  4. Stolas

    Stolas waffles > pancakes Donator

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    This drama no longer affects me, I don't quite care about my reputation as much as before. I just want to set the record straight and clarify a few things as I feel that things I have said in the past were inappropriate and uncalled for.

    I truly in my heart feel I am a better person after losing so much in the last year or two, so I hope the drama was a positive impact to my personality.
     
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  5. Bruhtrash

    Bruhtrash 100% FC!!! Donator

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  6. Muffin_Mobber

    Muffin_Mobber Reality Surfer Donator

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    Ay man respect for the introspection and honesty, even though I wasn't around for then. Admitting to imperfection is the first step to improvement, good shiii
     
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  7. sool

    sool ‎ ‎ Donator

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    Didn't you use to have a build team called Experium? Yeah I only do remember that and I wasn't very welcomed there and made me eventually quit JH to an extent, But I do remember building the XenForo forums for it.

    Anyways I do remember you not by your toxic side but at least as some kind of a friend to me, At least you apologized and admit the mistakes you made instead of trying to cover them up. Big respect
     
  8. Stolas

    Stolas waffles > pancakes Donator

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    Thank you! It's been a rather interesting journey.

    Experium was a sort of a huge mess. Whilst I was building the forums, I was also building a server with other members of the team. I did almost everything (which you'd expect since I was the owner, nobody owed me their time) and I didn't do it with care. I ended up blowing up (not literally) my own server because I was inexperienced and uneducated in server creation.
    I had stepped down from a leadership position afterwards and decided that it was best for me to stay behind a better leader. That sort of ended up leaving the team in an awkward state and it eventually dissolved itself.
    I would love to one day bring back Experium, but I still don't feel confident in myself to lead a team for a game I don't play as much.

    I do, however, remember who you were (and not who you are since I don't know who you are today). A personal apology for being unwelcoming to you, no matter your skillset. The team was kind of stuck up, so whilst there was probably room for growth, we didn't give you that and I am sorry.
     
    sool likes this.