Real talk about quarantine

Discussion in 'General Discussion / Real life stuff' started by Smg, May 27, 2020.

  1. Smg

    Smg Retired | Also known as 'Phaithful' Donator

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    I don't have many outlets anymore where I can actively talk to people like I used to, so I just wanna post this to get some things off my chest (warning: vulgar language):

    This whole quarantine thing is fucking with my head, my whole self; my mental health as a whole is an absolute wreck. I'm cooped up in my house for 5/7 days of the week, the other two are days I work in the afternoon into the evening (the place I work at is considered essential, and I am very thankful for these few days of the week I am able to get myself out of the house (even if the work I do is annoying at times)). It's been like this for the past few months ever since March 12th, and I imagine it's been the same for all of you as well. Anyhow, yeah, ever since March 12th when my state governor officially shut down schools, I've been in only 3 places: my dad's house, my mom's house, and the place I work at.

    Going into this quarantine, I was ecstatic. There were many things I wanted to do/watch at that time that I never would have found time for (background info: my baseball season had just started so for the next two months I'd be busy with that for a few hours after each school day; add on the homework and the work on the weekends, I was busy. Yeah, that's obvious), so I was quite happy when there was a period of two weeks where the teachers at my school prepared themselves for the upcoming online classes that we soon learned afterwards would be going until the end of the school year. This period we had absolutely no work to do. The first two weeks of quarantine, and heck; even the first month, was great. I binged some shows I was interested in, even read some things, but slowly...ever so slowly, this feeling of isolation, aloneness, fear and stress, has been creeping up towards me and I'm only now starting to feel its full effects on my mental side.

    It feels weird writing about this, because I am fully aware of what's happening to me. I've spoken about this enough that some of you probably know I have a history of depression. There was a dark period of my life about 3-5 years ago at this point where I was in a very distressed mental state. Without going into many details, I had some thoughts about doing some things to myself, but never actually went through with any of them because I knew in the end (and still know) that the way I was feeling was only temporary.

    Okay, yeah. You get that. Fast forward to present time, I'm starting to think more and more that my depression is creeping back up on me.

    This is going to sound totally crazy and I'm going to look like a clown, a joker, a mad man who has absolutely lost his mind. But I've been so stressed, so anxious these past few months, even though when in reality, the workload I have now because of covid is nothing compared to what I'd be doing in school. Heck, I should be happy. No more days of having to wake up early. But, I'm not. I was at first but now I'm not. I'm bored basically half of the hours of the day that I'm awake, slowly...ever so slowly losing things to do. I'm becoming obsessed with some of the things I've watched/read because I can't find myself something else to focus my mind on, to change the subject.

    End of school may be playing a part in this too but all of a sudden I'm procrastinating stuff like crazy. It's, like, I have a fear of doing something...because I'm afraid it's already too late to get something done. I know, it doesnt make any sense, and I'm only sounding more delusional.

    Basically, to sum it up, this quarantine is fucking with me. I just wanna know if any of you guys or girls are feeling the same thing, because I've been feeling really down on myself, feeling alone, all that sad stuff
     
    dinoceros, ZakMuir, Kaylyn and 9 others like this.
  2. Rob

    Rob Donator

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    Human interaction is what was recommended by my doctor. Even though it may not be possibly to be able to see people face to face, we have a lot of social media outlets that we can use to interact with one another. Whenever I feel under the weather, I take the opportunity to either talk to my family, or go outside and take a walk (I live in the forest so I'm not exactly worried about running into people). Search up some cool hiking trails or beautiful landscape views around you and let your mind go wild.

    With this epidemic, my anxiety levels skyrocketed as everything was starting to blow up and I had to take everything day by day, which I found quite scary. Whenever I was freaking out or not sure what to do, I calm myself down by meditating. I used an app on my phone called "Headspace" and it has really helped me these past few weeks while being stuck at home. I highly recommend it and if you do end up giving it a try or if you have any questions about it, let me know!
     
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  3. Starixty

    Starixty Donator

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    trust me smg, you're definitely not alone. in the past i've dealt with things mentally and once my senior year started, it felt like i was finally able to get over that. i was making more friends, gaining more self confidence, and overall i just felt like a happier person.

    then quarantine hit and everything changed. i went into this phase of just like completely ignoring people, sat around and did nothing productive, and i barely came out of my room (only to walk my dog, eat, and use the bathroom). so i feel you and it really sucks. but don't let it get to you! instead of thinking about quarantine, i've been thinking about how great life will be once it's over and when all the lock downs are lifted.

    hang in there buddy <3
     
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  4. Smg

    Smg Retired | Also known as 'Phaithful' Donator

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    I think one of the saddest things for me is that I've been inside so goddamn much that I've basically missed the season changing. It's practically summer now, isn't getting dark until like 8:30ish at the earliest, the warm weather, the scent of the outdoors....it feels, sadly, unfamiliar. I hate this so much. I've thought about going for walks more often but I haven't found the strength to pull myself out of my room. For the first time in my life I actually really wanna be outdoors but sometimes it's just hard because of the way I'm feeling

    I'll take a look at that app. Thanks for the recommendation
     
    Rob likes this.