you're a florida man now; what crime did you commit?

You're now a Florida man.
To find out what weird thing you did, take the first letter of your first name to find out which fill-in-the-blank statement it corresponds to in the first spoiler, and the 'blank' is found in the second spoiler using the first letter of your last name.

Spoiler: Fill in the blank statement (First letter of your name)

A - Robbed a bank with ______
B - Attempted to beat a man using ________
C - Stole ______ from a McDonalds
D - Caused forest fire after throwing ______
E - Broke into abandoned mansion with _______
F - Raped individual with _______
G - Ate ______ for "religious reasons"
H - Fed (a) _____ to starving child
I - Threw ______ into swimming pool in attempt to "rule the city"
J - Drunkenly rid his segway on a motorway because "________ told him to"
K - Threw _____ at man because he looked at him funny
L - Jumped out of plane in attempt to meet _____
M - Burned ______ in attempt to overthrow the Communist regime of North Korea
N - Florida man throws 1,000,000 ______s at Hurricane Irma in attempt to stop it from advancing
O - Broke into a prison only using the power of ________
P - Assaulted girlfriend with ________
Q - peepee poopoo _____
R - Dies on quest to retrieve ____ in West Transylvania
S - Demanded border officials let Florida man through with ______ as a passport
T - Florida man politely asks police officer for ______ because he smoked cocaine
U - Attempted to burn down house with ______
V - Stole BMW after being told he can't buy one using _______
W - Attempted to "practise karate" on _____ in public zoo
X - Danced in fire in attempt to appease ______
Y - Asks for public help to locate his 18-inch ______
Z - Stole 18,515 pigeons to eat with _____ due to culture

Spoiler: Object (First letter of your last name)

A - banana
B - children
C - fried chicken
D - rice
E - capri-sun
F - bowl of holy water
G - horse
H - bowl of pasta sauce
I - french fry/fries
J - mother russia
K - flamingo
L - apple
M - ballistic missile
N - swan
O - mickey mouse teddybear
P - ice cube
Q - basketball
R - bottle(s) of vodka
S - penis
T - john travolta
U - stinging ray
V - molotov cocktail
W - doggo
X - aight now who has a surname beginning with 'x' like
Y - jack-o-lantern
Z - chicken

Me? Well, I stole 18,515 pigeons to eat with a bowl of pasta sauce due to cultural reasons.

What did YOU do?

 

Florida man politely asks police officer for penis because he smoked cocaine.
Wtf man

 

Jumped out of plane in attempt to meet bottle(s) of vodka

Actually sounds like something I'd do

 

We live in a society

 

Demanded border officials let Florida man through with bowl of holy water as a passport

i am jebus

 

I stole an apple from McDonald's
I feel bad for the apple-less happy meal a kid's gonna have now ;-;

 

Broke into a prison only using the power of ballistic missile

 

Demanded border officials let Florida man through with penis as a passport

hmph

 

Stole BMW after being told he can't buy one using molotov cocktail :c

i can feel myself being this florida man

 

Demanded border officials let Florida man through with banana as a passport.

 

holy shit i'm dead because of that

 

Tried to sell a baby for 23 big macs

 

So I die on a quest because I retrieved a bowl of pasta sauce from West Transylvania.
It seems that even this game knows what I love.
Also, why am I always the one to die? :C