explanation

Hey.

As most of you know, something huge and tragic has occurred sometime around early Monday morning.
This has affected me dearly and this appears to be quite obvious in how people have reacted to me on Skype and on the forums.

I haven't been able to be too active as I am stuck using data. To avoid using 100s of mbs, considering I have 2gb for 28 days and I'm nearly 500mb in (DON'T WATCH VIDEOS ON DATA), I have been writing the last few things on memos to avoid unnecessary data usage.
My pop and granny have Internet but I am yet to move in so I am stuck with my internetless aunty.

A lot of things have happened, such as the mentioned Melbourne Show work. I have also applied for casual work and will continue attempting to secure a place as to contribute to future expenses such as car rego and external harddrive/s for mum's pictures, at the very minimum.

I've been busy this week, moving stuff out, organising arrangements and organising school work.
I've been given until term 4, or little under a month to pick myself back up and return to school.

My brother unfortunately will be separated from me as his preferred pathway is much different from mine. We will be organising a lot of day visits on weekends which will also be used to teach me how to drive automatic and manual cars.

As for what happened?

My family has never had a good run with health.
My pop is getting alzhiemers (I'm so sorry if that's wrong) and with his aspergers it's a bit of a "fun" mix.
My granny has emphysema, as well as a bucket ton of others.
My dad has occasional issues,and is probably about to be hit with liver or close issues.
My aunt has had clots.
And my mother is overweight, thyroids, all sorts.

I had mentioned last week I was unwell.
My whole family was.
I couldn't eat.
My brother had the flu.
And my mother had a chest infection.
She could barely walk without getting out of breath and even sweating.
She got worse over the week but was taking medicine for the supposed chest infection.
She was still able to yell at us when we weren't doing as we were supposed to but as for walking to my room, that was a hard chore.
On Saturday I had to do shopping as mum couldn't do it.
On Sunday, my brother and I received phones from our Father.
How little did we know that less than 12 hours later that those phones did us extreme justice.

My mother refused to see a doctor.
Against me and my brother's pleas.
On Sunday, she agreed that on Monday she was going to book an appointment for later that day.

I stayed up Sunday night as I couldn't sleep and talked to a few friends.

My mother went to bed 12am Monday morning.

As she got in, she had trouble steading her breathing.
It was very loud, and after 4 minutes I got up to check on her.
After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to fix her breathing, my mum instructed me to call the ambulance.
I was scared but I knew I had to.

The next 10 minutes were a blur.
The constant searching for a bucket in case mum threw up, cuddling her, telling her they'll be here soon, recalling as instructed by both the emergency service and mum.
And most importantly, my status.

My status is the final sentence my mum ever said.
She said that to me as we were waiting for the ambulance.

When they got her, they put things on her and started to get her to hold her breath to the count of 3.
She could barely make it to 2.
After a while, mum slowed down, but she slowed down a lot.
She passed out and was in a sluggish slate until about 20 minutes later.

They had 4 paramedics and 2 more en route when mum stopped breathing and beating manually.

This was 1:12am.

I was there. Mere metres away.
They spent the next 2 hours pumping her chest, thinning her blood in hopes of getting her heart beating again.

I was holding her hand when they tried thinning her blood and I held it again when they pronounced her dead at 3:05 am.
I will never forget how cold, tired, and defeated she looked when she was pronounced dead.

But I will never forget what she did for me, and how she raised me.

I have stepped up and am continuing
The Melbourne Show job she said I would get.
She was right. However she missed out on knowing that by 11 hours.
I have applied for another job she was organising taking me for today.
I am continuing school, and my university plan is still what I am aiming for.

I will be keeping a little bit of her ashes, and so will a few others, however we would like to spread mum at a beach, as that was one of her favourite places.

I am staying strong for mum, as I know that is what she would have wanted. I know this is also how she would have acted.
My mum was, and will continue to be, my biggest role model.
No matter what, she always made sure my brother and I were in a safe environment and supported us all the way she could.
Without her I wouldn't have grown up to the person I am. I wouldn't have signed up for volunteer work.
I wouldn't have applied for jobs.
I wouldn't have grown up to the extent I have the last week.

Apparently it's been extremely noticeable. I'm not sure if that's the case here but it's changed a lot of us, and all for the better.
My family has all been extremely supportive of each other, visiting each other a lot, texting, working and talking together.

It's been hard losing not only my mother, but the most level headed, mature, wise, central person within our family.

Everyone came to my mum for advice, and I want to ask mum for advice on how to deal with this.
But I know I can't


I wish she could see this. I wish I had told her once last time when she could hear and understand.
But, Mum, Kara, I love you and no matter what, no matter how much we fought, how much I felt like you sometimes didn't love me, that will never change.
And I know you felt the same way.

I love you ♡
(And yes, my avatar is my mum and I)

 

This post legitimately made me tear up. I have never had a lost like this but I can somehow feel your pain. Of course you need to put all your focus on your personal life after this tragedy. I wish I could give some good advice if you even need it to get through this but I cannot relate to something this huge. I hope you figure out everything and you and your family's health will fully return. I and lots of others appreciate the time and effort you put to this and sharing your life with us. I hope everything goes well.

 

Hey man
I know I am probably the last person you want to talk to n shit like that but fucking hell, condolences. I am sorry to hear for your mother and your whole family but always remember, you aren't alone. We are all here for whatever you need, no matter what.

For example, me.
My dad has/had cancer, he was at the hospital for about a month, he couldn't walk or lift weights, drink water, eat etc. My mother was with him and me and my brother stayed home. My brother has extreme social anxiety and other stuff and I didn't know how to help him, he had a couple "panic" attacks and it honestly scared the shit out of me. I fucked up my life by shitting on my relationships and I ended up going to therapists. I have been in bed for 3 months now, I didn't go outside, I had no motivation yadda yadda yadda but I am still here and trying to stay strong.

We have all lost a loved one. Losing the person who raised you is one of the most terrifying things that can ever happen to you but never forget mappy, don't let this bring you down. You said yourself that you will stay strong so you can make your mother proud and I fucking promise you, you will make her proud. She will be next to you no matter what. Parents can be a pain in the ass but they love us more than anyone will. Take your time to get over what has happened and again if you need anything, hit me up c:

Love you map mop, you've been amazing

 

I'm sorry for your loss, Mappy. Nobody should ever have to go through something like this, especially not at 16. Condolences to your entire family.

But the way you've been handling this situation shows a lot of maturity on your behalf was well. If your mother saw every thing you've been doing and how much of an adult you've been this week, she would be proud of you.

You're gonna go far in life Mappy. I can feel it and see it in your actions. Promise me you'll never give up or think you aren't good enough, okay? You certainly are good enough.
And if you ever feel lost, feel free to message me as long as I'm awake, or any one of us. We're all by your side. <3

 

Hi. Honestly, this post made me tear up. I'm not going to pretend that I understand what you're going through, but I know that losing a loved one is difficult, especially if it's someone close to your heart. Your mother sounds like a really good person, and I'm extremely sorry for your loss. Although I don't know you very well, I know that you are capable of picking yourself up and carrying on with life after this. If you ever need someone to listen, or if you ever need support, know that all of us are always here for you. We're always going to support you.

If you ever feel lost, just remember that your mother is in a better place now. She'll always be at your side, although you might not be able to see her. People never really go away - they'll always stand by you forever.

Stay strong, Mappy. <3

 

I can't imagine what you're going through...just know that you are not alone. It never stays bad forever..it never rains forever...it'll get better...

Remember that a positive mind is one of the keys to a positive life. We..all of us care about ya, just say strong.

Your mother is in a better place...she doesn't have to suffer any more.

 

Wow. I'm tearing up.

I'm so sorry for your loss Mappy, I know what you're going through, and I can relate, it's a very scary and saddening time. What you have to do is pull through, get better, and keep going strong, knowing that your mom will protect you on your path throughout life.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

Mappy I don't normally get emotional but this really touched me. My condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. Just remember she is in a better place now and she always wanted the best for you.

You have to stay strong and always remember we are here for you and you did all you could.

<3
-blok

 

woah i couldn't even imagine that ever happening , and couldn't. I'm SO sorry, and if you need me for advice please come talk to me!

 

I don't know what I'd do if my mom passed. I'm really sorry for your loss and I wish you didn't have to go through that. You're so young, I'm lucky not to have to get a job and such. I hope your recovery is quick and easy for you and I want you to spend as much time as you need to give to grief. You'll have to go through it eventually, and now is probably the best time. Let yourself cry if you want to, it only makes sense. Sometimes you just need to cry and feel down to climb back up again. I told you already, but please message me if you need anything.
You also need to focus on your future. I know your mom would be happy and proud of you to see you excel and do the things you love.
Good luck.

 

I won't basically restate what everyone else said above, but you know you have my support through thick and thin.

I'm not going to add an emotional or teary passage here, but I would like to say that I am terribly sorry for your loss. Finding positiveness in a situation is always the best option when broken down, but you have this community's support, you have your friends to support you, and for all the work that you've done, there shouldn't be any problem from this community to build you back up.

I'm not going to be that person who tells you what to do. "You have to move on from this" isn't a line that I'm going to force down you. Just do what it takes to make yourself happy.

Once again, you have my support. :)

-Sirius

 

Sorry :/

 

If you need anything from any of us, we will be here. Regardless of how vague your relationship with any of us might be, citizens in communities are there for each other and that's that. We love you, mappy.

Rest in peace.

 

Stay strong Mappy!

I'm always here if you need me

 

Its terrible losing someone, especially someone so close to you, but you are an amazing person, and I could imaginey that you're an amazing daughter. Your mom seemed like an extraordinary woman and she will be proud of you and everything you've accomplished, as well as everything you will accomplish in the future.

 

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. It must feel painful to lose someone you loved. You're one of the most strongest people I know Maps!

 

This may be too late, but I just read this now.

Mappy, I have known you for a while now, you helped me through a lot. My first try at writing a Staff Application (went terribly). You gave me a second shot and I really appreciated it. But now the universe should return the favor to you and give you a second shot in living a happy, cheerful life.
Continue to stay strong, Mappy.

-Exp.

 

I recently had a family member who passed away too. It makes life empty and not complete. I understand those feelings, sometimes you move on in a day. Sometimes you move on in a week. It's all a matter of time. Feel better Mappy!