How to be relevant in PVP

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to another "How to be relevant". I've enjoyed making the first one, so why not make a second one? As always, jokes only, don't be triggered in the replies because I said something that describes you. Alright, THE FIRST STEP

STEP 1: Edgy names

You want to be relevant in PVP right? Well, firstly, give yourself the most edgiest name you can think of. This is a very important step, and if you don't do this correctly, you will never be taken seriously.
For example:

xX_Sw4gF0rD4yz_Xx
xXMLGPvPXx

You can also, add an addition to your name. If you do this one step, people will think you're a god at pvp'ing, just because you have this one addition. It's called: hax. Yeah, that's right, hax. Let's take this person for example, his name is MyNameIsAnExample, he's average at pvp'ing, but then a player joins in, and instantly wins the match. His name was: N0H4xJustSk1llzz. See how he instantly won the match with just one addition? I know right.

STEP 2: Ping

I hope you saw this one coming. Ping is the most important thing in pvp'ing. Ping gives you even more "hax", and people will often say that to you. But don't feel bad, ping is just another "hax". It also grants you to something godlike: ALMOST NO LAG! Now if you do get lag, blame it on the mods for taking all of the internet access. Meanies.
You need the best of ping. If you don't have good ping, ask your parents to buy a better modem. If they say no, just whine about it, I'm sure they'll buy it someday.

STEP 3: You died

Oh no! What's that? Someone combo'd you 3 times, bow spammed you, leading to your game over screen? They must be using better hax. If you ever get killed in PvP, just tell them that they're hacking. It's the number one insult in PvP. Also, report them for killaura, so that mods can see if they're hacking. If they don't ban the haxer, just say that the staff are doing a bad job, because you are the only thing that matters in this world, and nobody can kill you in this world, except if they're better than you, which cannot be accepted.

STEP 4: Teaming

This is one of the most hated hax in the entire minecraft world. All across this wildly known game, people team. It's a natural thing, where you and a fellow minecraft player bring havoc among the server, and to its players. I've known many players who have been scarred for life with this shocking hax, or hack. I don't even know. Anyways, Teaming. If you see minecraft players do this, just whine about it on the forums or report them for teaming. I'm sure you haven't asked the staff members if this is illegal, or if you've read the rules. Wait... you actually have asked the staff members about this? Good, because I can tell that nobody has ever whined about teaming on the forums, or at a staff member.

I hope this thread helped you.
Add more steps in the replies if I forgot any!
Again, jokes only, don't take this seriously.

 

also need to have tryhard skins cant forget that now can u rubrub

 

You forgot to add the part where you call yourself a religious figure (God/Godlike) over a game about squares.

 

optifine cape needed to make yourself look good

 

wow! god tutorial would rate 11/10 again

(tbh I was making a serious reply but then I saw the section it was in g-g)

EDIT: don't forget the part where you should get a ghost client, then max out the settings and deny any hackusations

 

Totally, just put a bunch of under scrolls and "x" in your name. xD
Amazing point. :P

 

I may have to disagree with this one. If you report someone for no reason at all, that could get you banned. The rest, I have to agree with, although if you tell a staff they are doing a bad job, and there is no hacker to be seen, that is reasonless. The rest of the entire thread is quite funny, if you ask me. :p

Just pointing it out!

EDIT: Just saw the note saying it was a joke, oh my goodness! I'm so silly omf. If anyone took this seriously, then... we'd have a problem on our paws!

 

XD

 

You forgot to add a paragraph about every strat a PvPer has to be able to do, like w-tap, zig-zag strafe, circle strafe, jitter click and so on, because if you are not able to do one of the mentioned strats, then, my man, you are considered a bad PvPer.

Also, if you want to stay relevant as a PvPer, you have to be cocky and toxic as well, as that's how most PvPers are.

 

Forgot to mention the required e girl counter (@LoneWolf )

 

You must also refuse to understand what an "L" is. Only get "w" and grind is how a PvPer works

 

You forgot to add the part where you get some scary skin to make yourself look more dangerous and more like a PvP veteran.