My Resignation II

My Resignation

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Resignation Reasons

Hi everyone. As you know, I have resigned today, and for different reasons than last time. I resigned at the end of 2016 due to my father’s death.

I quickly re-applied and was promoted again a little over a month later. It was a mistake for me to re-apply in the first place.

I enjoyed my time as staff for a little while, but eventually it became unhealthy for me. I was obsessed with my position, spending up to 12 hours a day on the server in my early days as a Helper. This put my grades at risk in school and I ended up having horrible grades at the end of 2016.

This time I am resigning not because of inactivity or a family tragedy, but it’s just because I am no longer happy here and I feel unwelcome, almost hated here.
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The Community

Over time, I started to realise that this place has become a shadow of its former self, something just doesn’t seem right here, and it’s most likely because of the server’s declining population. I have been a part of this community for about 5 years now, and I have seen its ups and downs as the years passed.

I’m sure a lot of people know by now that my political ideology is conservative, while majority of this community is liberal. I always had the outlying opinion, and eventually I started participating in debate threads. This caused a lot of damage to my reputation as my words were often twisted around and people saw me as a racist, or prejudicial against the LGBT group.

I didn’t really mind until I heard people spreading rumors about me. People were talking badly about me behind my back, and giving me a negative image in the community. In some cases, there were complete lies spread about me, and people accused me of things I never did. This caused me to be very inactive toward the end of July 2017. I took about a month long break from my staff job, but even though I was going through a long hiatus, I still spent many hours thinking about this community.

It came to the point where my therapist was practically screaming at me to take a long break, and if not that, to drop my rank. I only wish I took his advice sooner.

Another reason I decided to resign is because of the toxic community and the people who borderline rules in an effort to not break the rule, but to post something that is “on the edge” in order to irritate or annoy staff. This happened frequently including people adding me to /friend chat in game specifically to harass me, since /fr chat is not as limited as public chat.

With all these problems in the community, I became very toxic and irritable, ruining my reputation I had spent over a year trying to achieve.
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My Past

I’m sure a lot of you know this by now since it was blatantly obvious, but if not, my previous name on these forums was FailedExperiment, formerly known as Kuzon55. I did some very terrible things in my past and I spent years grieving and begging for forgiveness.

Eventually, I gave up on destroying myself and created a new identity known as Sirius. I built up a great reputation for my passion of helping others with depression. For the longest time, I thought that this was my passion, but after several months I eventually grew tired of the topic and moved on to other things. I was very happy with my new identity toward the middle of 2016 because I had a whole new page to start on in the community including my staff rank, but I was also somewhat disappointed that I had to hide behind a mask to get any form of respect.

Unfortunately, as explained in my first resignation thread, my father died toward the end of 2016, which caused my first resignation. About a month afterward, on 14th January, 2017, another family death had occurred. I won’t go into detail since it was a very brutal and traumatizing death. There was also the lack of family support. My uncle and his branch of family cared less for me and more for my father’s remains. He tried everything he could to claim custody of me for government support since my father died without a trust or will. The only family I could really trust at this point was my aunt and her family, and my mother.

I did not have anyone to speak to about my problems except for my therapist, which 30 minutes a week hardly helped at all. The trauma I had built up caused me to develop several mental conditions including misanthropy and lack of emotional expression.
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The Staff Team

I was accepted on 14 July 2016 as a Helper, and then to Mod on 9 September 2016. The rest of my promotion dates are on my information page. During my time as staff, I built a lot of new relationships and learned a lot of things, but at the same time denied myself the privilege of exploring other communities and actually enjoying myself during my free time. I neglected my school work, which costed me tremendously. I will admit that the staff team does have its ups and downs, and there is always room for improvement. Constructive criticism is welcomed and should be more common, but in a less hostile way than I have seen.

To the staff team:

I am aware I became very sloppy with my work toward the end. I understand where I was wrong and I have learned from my mistakes. I was never a staff member that was a major problem on the team, but I wasn’t perfect either.

Another reason I was uncomfortable on the staff team was because of the gossip and talking bad of each other. Staff do in fact talk bad about each other behind their backs. I heard about some staff wishing I would resign or get demoted because of my political views. While I wasn’t really hurt by this, I was a bit irritated because I would have expected someone to address me directly with a problem I have rather than talking bad about me or publicly humiliating me since it accomplishes nothing.

In short, I thank all of you for the experiences I had. Will I return to the staff team one day? Probably not. After being staff twice, I don’t see that I will have a chance of getting accepted back. This was the reason why I took so long to consider resigning simply because coming back is not an option. I will have my regrets of resigning and I will want to re-apply, but for the sake of my mental health I don’t see myself in the shoes of a staff member again.

I do not have any hatred toward the staff team in any form or shape. Am I going to be toxic after I resign? Of course not!

Again, thank you all for the memories and best of luck to you.
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Present Day

I no longer want to serve as a staff member on a server that has existed for such a long time. I don’t enjoy myself here at all, and it seems like I am being judged and criticised for my every move. At times, it is like helping a community that does not want to be helped.

The political debates in this community become too filled with emotion, and it’s almost impossible have a civil debate. At almost all times, it seems as though insults are flung about because of opposing viewpoints. I don’t like to make my resignation thread a semi-rant, but there are problems in this community that go unaddressed. It has almost become an “I’m right, you’re wrong” sort when in reality, debates are supposed to be civil and not biased in a specific direction.

I am sorry for making this thread so negative. I am sorry to make my resignation so abrupt and sounding so awful, but it’s just my explanation about why I simply can’t handle the drama and negativity any more.
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Other People

I won’t be tagging too many people here, so don’t feel excluded if I didn’t include you. These are just some people I consider close friends.

Destination666 (@Dest) - Thank you for everything that you have done for me. We may have had an unpleasant first two months, but I’ve almost completely blocked that out. It’s amazing to think within the span of a week we had went from the most toxic relationship ever to close friends. You were one of the few people who stuck with me and listened when I had to rant during my dark hours. If anyone deserves respect, it is you.

TheFlamingDragon (@Draggon) - It’s amazing to think we met irl in 2014, and eventually by a huge coincidence meet each other 2 years later online at Mineplex. I’m glad to have spent the time I did with you on the staff team and I am sorry you had to see the staff team in the current state that it is now.

TheRealSmg (@Smg) - I never talked to you much, but I understand you have a good heart and good intentions. While I can’t say the same for myself any more, I’m glad you are still able to remain positive. Good luck to you and congratulations on your well deserved Mod+ promotion.

Meme (@Meme) & OfficerDeadly (@OfficerBoring) - Al-salamu alaykum. Thanks for everything. I have immense respect for both of you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this thread.

Regards, Syrian (aka FailedExperiment).

 

First!! Resignation buddy!!

 

dab

 

Thanks for everything, Syrian! Hope everything goes well for you in the future. Good luck!

 

I miss you already..

 

I respect your decision buddy.
Good luck in the future.

 

I'm actually quite upset by seeing you go and wish you all the best in the future.
The community recently I feel have been a bit 'harsher' shall we put it than they used to be say a couple of years ago.
I admired you greatly for your extended knowledge of the server and a respect you for the great staff work you did.
Thank You for your service and I greatly hope you do the best for yourself in the future.
I'm gonna carry on waiting:

 

Honestly, I just want to stop you here.

Thank you so very much for your role for around a year or so.

Sirius, I have a lot of respect for you for coming out and saying this, and your choices for resignation. The fact there was more to the story really does choke me up. You deserve every ounce of respect this community has given you, and it's disgusting that somebody who decided to change their ways, (You called your past self bad, I wasn't around to see it, can't judge.) earned a staff rank, and performed his ability as a staff to the highest standard recieve such backlash. You are honestly one of the best people I've talked to when it comes to advice, or just for a chat on this server, and the idea of moving on, especially with the situation you're in was the right option. Better that than feeling horrible on the job.

I wish you the best dude, and hope everything stays well with you.

Joey

 

your decision is well-respected and I support it, you'll get through all of this eventually.

thank you for everything, sirius :)

 

Thank you for everything Sirius.
I'm really glad that I've known you, ever since you were Kuzon55. We made a lot of fun memories back then but I'm kind of mad at myself for not talking to you often.

I have an utmost respect for you and I respect your decision. I will always stand behind you to support you along the way.
You were one of my first friends on the server and you're a brother to me.

Thank you for everything again.

 

Thanks Ezz. It means a lot :)

 

Thanks for the recognition, it hurts.

It is sad to see you go Syrian, we had a lot of fun working along side with each other and we should stay in touch. You did nothing but right in my opinion, and I hope life takes you far my friend.

 

I got you on Skype. I'm available whenever. See you around :)

 

Best wishes man. :)

 

Although I probably haven't even seen you on the server, this thread almost brings a tear to my eye. Glad everybody is so positive about your resignation, (In a good way). Safe Travels.

 

We have very different opinions and we've frequently had them collide but you're still a fun person to talk to and someone I consider a good friend. Hope you do well in school now that you've resigned, and you have my contacts if you ever need anything. Thank you for your work.

 

@Syrian Its really sad to see you go we got along with out political views. I respect your decision to leave although you were amazing staff hard working and you always put up the opposing view so everything was thought about. I'll miss you a lot!

 

ah, god.
getting flashbacks to when you helped me with gdaymate telling everyone private info about me, hes one of my best friends now, would you believe.
things have changed for everyone sirius. see you.